Change Of Focus

I have a friend that has taken on considerable new job responsibilities. Unfortunately, she has not received an increase in pay for those duties and now there exists an inequitable exchange: underpayment for services rendered. I hope she has the wisdom and courage to restore the imbalance.

The ramifications of making a choice to sell time, energy, enthusiasm and creativity for a discounted price (or even worse, no additional compensation) reaches way beyond the new task(s) presently on her desk. These "emergency" or "important" duties are quite fleeting. In six months time, there will be a new drama and this old one will be but a vague memory.

I fear that conducting herself this way will weave itself into the fiber of her character, and will ultimately undermine her identity. When we make choices to back away from courage, it shows up in the most unexpected places, and influences our relationships with family, friends, lovers, finances and most importantly our vibrancy. The effects are awful, and can be seen and felt by everyone.

Society often encourages a man to be assertive in the workplace and labels a woman conducting herself the same, as a "bitch". Certainly, this double standard is not fair, bemoaning the injustice of the mislabel, and playing the role of a victim is the greater crime though. This is but a mere yield sign and not a place to park.

Each of us has the inalienable right to expect, and if necessary, insist on compensation for work performed. There is simply too much at stake to remain silently inactive. Finding the state or quality of mind or spirit that will enable her to face, what I suspect is fear, will reach far beyond the present topic.

Consider the following:

1. More responsibility equals more pay - period. The construction of a house is at a set and agreed upon price. An additional East Wing would also have a corresponding cost associated with it. Her situation is no different, save the fact that she is not wearing a tool belt.
2. Last month the job she was performing was valued at X amount of money. Was she being overpaid during the previous month?

Menen Watches A Bumble Bee

My second memory is of a giant, brilliantly colored bee that was hovering above my face. It was so close to my skin that I could feel the air movement from its wings. At the time, I was lying in a laundry basket and the edges of it framed my view of the creature. In the background, there was a brilliant blue-sky with white clouds, and my mother was taking sheets off a clothesline.

As I got older, (I am guessing I was around six years old) I would fill tiny containers with honey and place them at the opening of beehives. With my little kid logic, I worried that they were hungry and I was trying to feed them.

When surfing, I occasionally see a live bee struggling on the surface of the ocean. I scoop the insect up, take it back to shore and rinse it with fresh water to remove the salt from its body. Then I set it on a leaf or rock and when it is dry enough, it flies away.

Today I was walking with The Man Who Makes Me Laugh and he told me of his fear of bees, and I in turn divulged my fear of spiders. Without hesitation, he proposed that I be in charge of bee relocation for him and in return, he would transfer spiders outside for me.

I found his proposal profoundly touching.

Out Of The Closet

For years, I felt like I was in danger of being "found out". I was horrified that someone would learn that I was gay, inexperienced at fucking, and came from a poor family. I hid behind closets of beautiful clothes and possessions that I could not afford. I was insecure and I surrounded myself with people who had an even lower self-image than I did.

Five years later, I am completely out of the closet, know how to please a man in bed, have extraordinarily few belongings, and a handful of amazing friends. Financially I am even poorer than I was, and yet my life is richer.

Welcome out Klaw. I certainly like it better out here - I feel like I can breathe.

Menen Waves Bub-bye

A few days ago, I was lying on the grass in the park looking at the clouds when a women and man walked by. They were yelling at each other in a foreign language and then suddenly the man kicked the obese women in the ass and proceeded to walk away. Even more shocking to me was that she followed along behind him crying.

I think that by pursuing him, she was giving her permission for that kind of abuse to happen again. What was acceptable in their world was profoundly sad to watch. I wept for their future, and simultaneously had a breakthrough in mine.

Obviously, there are many differences between the overweight women and myself. One of the similarities though is that I have been allowing a version of the same thing to take place in my relationship with this man. His random outbursts and belittling comments are improper, and my willingness to remain a target is deplorable. I spoke with him about it yesterday.

As I listened to his response of insults, I was reassured of my choice to wave goodbye.